What You Want


what you want

Okay this isn’t the first life lesson I have posted about (see here, here and really just keep scrolling back a while), but I thought it was time for a little update to the whole thing. Actually, my update is a retrograde to structuring my thoughts more like how I used to in those posts. Just a bit more like a journal entry.

We spend a lot of time thinking about the things we want. At least I do. I think about the things I want nearly constantly. From objects, to personality traits, to experiences, to changes… I want a lot. Always yearning in the Rachel Camp. Sometimes I get what I want, sometimes I don’t, but nearly always I forget to take time to reflect on these things. I want (see there it is again) to be the kind of woman who is more deliberate with her wants, slower with her wants, and gracious about the outcomes no matter what they look like.

So, some practice. When I first had the idea of moving away from home last year (I’ve always had this idea, but it waxes and wanes) I had this image in my head of Snoopy and I walking down some stairs, stepping out on the street and just going for a stroll. That was my visualization of moving. I began to dig a bit and I imagined a job I loved, I imagined some sort of industrial flat. I imagined driving a big truck across the country, mile by mile getting closer to my new start.

And guess what. I got everything I wanted, sometimes in the most uncanny ways. I got a princess palace on the cheap in a cool side of town, a great job that paid me well and inspired and challenged me, streets bustling with opportunity and undiscovered restaurants. I got to refine my routines. I got to experience loneliness (something I genuinely wanted). I couldn’t really imagine a better experience, moving away. And yet, I am leaving it all behind this week to go back home, which really isn’t something I want, but something I need to do. And reflectively, I feel so gosh damned lucky right now. Even though I’m sad and stressed and headed toward a small home, in a city I’d very much like to avoid, with no job prospects at all… I am so so deeply thankful for getting exactly what I wanted and that’s enough for me right now.


image credit: cereal magazine
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