Some Months



It’s been a while.

I wonder how often people go through these times, or maybe what kind of people go through these times; these period shifts in life. The kinds of shift where you can’t lift a finger to write a blog post, or move your feet and go to the gym. You become utterly undisciplined. For me, they feel a bit like slumps, but also a bit like exploration. I find myself sitting on the couch more, being grumpier at work, hoping for change, grasping in the dark. I spent 10 months feeling solid. I was strong as hell, man. I was not floating, I was not wading, I was swimming full speed in the ocean. I was jumping ship and powering through the sea and then… and then I wasn’t anymore.

Sometimes people talk about it in terms of the stars, mercury in retrograde, a full moon. I like those thoughts, but my slumps seem to last many full-moons. I lose friends, push-away relationships, I’m outwardly surly, I spend a lot more time alone. I stop connecting with my body, I overspend, eat terribly and not regularly. I am just as much me as the determined and passionate me is, don’t get me wrong. It’s not as though I am not acting like myself, it’s just another part of myself.

My mom calls it floating. She tells me to stop trying to swim. Just throw your arms out and float. I feel guilty about it, but I feel guilt about a lot of things all the time. I want to bounce back. I know I need to. I hope I can soon.

See you guys again in the near future, once I’m able to pull myself out of the dark side.


1 comment on “Some Months”

  1. Thanks so much for this post. I think I spent the last three years floating, just necessary in life to have the highs and the lows, and to be alone. Everyone and everything important will still be there when you’re ready to have them back.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload CAPTCHA.