wellness

Long Distance Relationship

03.18.16

long distance relationship

 

Image via: Nicole Franzen

Long distance relationships suck.

There, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way I can try and be real about my own long distance relationship, without being too negative (keyword: try). I’d love to sit here and give you a pretty list and some regurgitated tips on surviving a long distance relationship, but the truth is, I don’t know how. What I’m going to do is give you guys some background on my relationship and how we came to be 1200 miles apart and then hopefully someday when I’ve got things more figured out, maybe I can give you a list. Heh.

Let’s go way back, like… 5+ years back. My current boyfriend and I met a long time ago (like pre-2 ex’s ago) on Twitter. He followed me, I had some Google+ invites, he asked for one. It started with breakfast, ended in a short yet passionate couple months. I wasn’t ready, he was kind of invested in someone else. I turned him down, he thought of me as the one who got away. I tried not to think of him. Fast forward two long-term relationships later, a 9 month bout of singledom and one really weird instagram post later, we’re talking again. One afternoon, some girl tagged her friend in a picture of him from 5 years ago in my feed and said “your future husband”. Weird, thinks me. I text him. He asks me right off the bat if I am single. I am, he’s not. We exchange texts every couple of weeks all summer and I tell him we can be friends, he’s clear that’s not possible. At least we’re honest, right? I stay single for the summer. I apply to exactly one out-of-state job in September. I don’t hear back.

I refuse to see him for months, not that he’s exactly asking, but I keep him distant. He’s trouble for a woman who is trying to live like a monk for a year. He texts me through the end of his short summer relationship. I remain distant and try to act like a friend. Sometime in the beginning of October, he tells me he is ready to be “just friends.” We agree to hang out as friends and I kiss him 2 hours and 3 beers into our friendly hang out. We’ve never been just friends and neither of us really wants that anyway. We start dating, but I am just not ready for the intensity. I ask him if he is okay with it being really casual, as in, I also want to see other people. He’s in love with me from day one. He tells me so. He’s not thrilled about other people, but he obliges. I impress upon him how badly I don’t want to rush. I date him, I date someone else. I’m pretty torn on the whole thing and keeping my heart distant from both guys.

November. Eventually Michael wins my heart over. We start dating exclusively. I start falling in love, but I have so many walls built up from my last relationship and am comfortable in my singlehood. The out-of-state job calls. I travel to Kentucky, I interview, I get an offer. It’s December 1. I am scared to move, not altogether sure I even want to anymore. I applied for the job in a moment of time where I was lonely and thought maybe I ought to try something new. I desperately want out of my current job though… and well, who turns down a job for a 2 month relationship? Not this girl. I take the job. December is crazy. Knowing I am leaving, I let myself lower all my defenses and fall for Michael hard. Really hard.

January. We drive across the country together. He helps me settle into my new home, like the sweet and patient person he is. He goes home. I lose it. We’ve spent every day for over a month together and now I am alone. We’re officially in a long distance relationship. He books tickets to see me every three weeks. January is hard. February is terrible. I cry on the phone. I cry by myself. I love my job and my city and my new life, but seriously, fuck long distance. We see each other a couple days out of the month.

Now. Here we are. We’ve stepped up seeing each other to every other weekend. At least through the rest of March and all of April. It’s a bitch. It’s emotional. My friends all tell me it’s good and it can’t be that bad, but then again, none of them have ever been in a long distance relationship. Certainly not a serious one. I guess I am writing this so you guys know the reality of my life. I’ve been trying to be more real and keep things from seeming like kittens and rainbows all the time. I don’t know what the future holds or how we’ll get through this time of yearning, but we adore each other and that means a lot to me. Stay tuned.

xx

4 comments on “Long Distance Relationship”

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Rachel. So painful, and so filled with love and hope and determination. I can feel you listening to your soul. Not to compare or anything, just to offer support and even more hope, I will share with you that my wife and I did long distance between North Carolina and Sweden off and on for 2 and a half years. It ripped me apart, I could barely function when we were apart. But, when we could be together, I knew that it was worth it. We were both invested and believed. It fucking sucks. But, the best advice I can give is to stay present, to discuss the future, and to let things unfold as they do. Sending you so much strength and love. xoxo

    1. LIZ! I finally updated my blog so I can reply to your comments! My old theme wouldn’t let me. Haha. You and your lady are such an inspiration to me. Always perfect advice. I feel sometimes like you are the older sister I never had. Thank you so much sweet friend of mine.

  2. Again, so relatable. My and my guy did the long-distance thing between Nebraska and Norway for two and a half years (much like Liz above me) and I thought I was going to suffocate from longing during that time. However, now that I made the move across the pond I know we are able to make it through anything, and it was all so worth it in the end!

    1. OMG NEBRASKA AND NORWAY. I cannot even believe it. I would love to hear more about your story. How incredible and brave of you guys. I cannot even complain in comparison to that! That is incredibly inspiring <3

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