I’ve been looking at my own blog every day lately, as if staring at it could help me rise from the funk I’ve been in. Blog funk, spirit funk, life funk. Moving across the country has actually been much harder than I thought it was going to be, in completely different ways than I originally anticipated. I’ll touch on that sometime soon though. Today I thought I’d acknowledge my age, my birthday that was um, 4 months ago, and just jot down some varied snippets about myself and perhaps a few life lessons in there too.
1. I grew up in and around Denver, Colorado. Until last month, I had never lived anywhere else. Then I apparently lost my mind in December and moved my life across the country to the wonderful Louisville, Kentucky.
2. I’ve never had a real nickname that stuck. Even despite feeling like I am definitely NOT a Rachel, apparently I am a Rachel. I always wished my mom named me River or something.
3. I’m obsessive about lists. I have actual hundreds of lists all over my life: my phone, my email (in the form of draft emails), notebooks, wunderlist, basecamp, etc. I get so overwhelmed if I can’t write down lists. Some list examples of late: “Vinyl Records I Want,” “Words To Remember in 2016,” “Shit Thad Says,” “TV Shows People Have Told Me To Watch,” — As you can see, I’m a freak.
4. I have the worst singing voice of anyone you’ve ever met, but I’m not tone deaf. I’m just truly awful at singing and thusly, I don’t sing around other people. Unless I am drunk. Then I sing around other people quite loudly.
5. I’m in a long distance relationship. It’s pretty fucking hard, but my boyfriend is the bee’s knees. So it’s worth it. We met 4.5 years ago and tried out dating and it didn’t work and now we’re doing it again and it’s working magically this time around. As he says, “perfect timing”.
6. Sometimes, I don’t want to listen to music. But for like months. I will barely listen to a sound in months and months. It’s happened to me a few times in my life and I can’t really explain it.
7. On that note (har har), I love absolute quiet more than anyone I know. I don’t really ever find silence awkward. I like being around other people and being silent. I feel like I can feel their energy more when they aren’t talking. Yeah, that’s a thing.
8. I am incredibly in-tune with people that I am close to. I can sense when they are upset or happy or lying or scared or whatever very quickly. Almost every boyfriend I have ever had asks me if I am a mind reader.
LIFE LESSON: Feel whatever your feeling. We’ve all grown up in a society that is constantly trying to “fix” us. Think back on how many times you’ve seen something on the internet or your peers have said something about making yourself happier, prettier, smarter, less this, more that. It’s exhausting as hell. I think we often reject anything we see as “negative,” when in reality, negative things are just simply one side of the scale, positive being the other. I don’t think negative experiences or emotions are bad. They just are. Embrace them as you embrace the positive. Feel the feels, ride the wave and don’t convince yourself that being happy is a goal. It’s a state of being, it will come and go and there is nothing more natural than that.
9. I grew up in a truly chaotic home. I don’t talk about it much and definitely not online. I spent some serious years in therapy trying to cope with it all and am the first person who will tell you that I think everyone can benefit from therapy.
10. I have had body image issues since I was about 11 years old. I remember being in 5th grade wondering what was wrong with me. I didn’t wear a bathing suit until this past year and I hated it. But I am trying to work on 1. Self acceptance, self love and forgiveness for myself. and 2. Adopting a healthy lifestyle instead of my usual strong 3 month regimen and 9 months of self loathing I do every year.
11. I’m constantly battling my packrat tendencies with my desire to live with less.
12. I love astrology. I often study it, seek it and contemplate it. I do not believe every component of it, but I have made it my own and use it in various personal ways.
LIFE LESSON: Set goals, check in with them often. It’s a good way to make sure you don’t have that “life is passing by so quickly feeling.” Per my beliefs, we only get to live once. Do not get so bogged down in the bullshit that you don’t work toward achieving your dreams every single day. This is your damn life. Live it up.
13. I do not like winter. Every January-March I get sort of depressed. I wish it could be spring, summer, fall, winter on Christmas Day only, then repeat.
14. I, like most people, am full of odd contradictions. For instance, I can be incredibly forward thinking and yet completely traditional at the same time. My values and morals are a mix between progressive and conservative.
15. I love crab cheese wontons. I would eat them every day if they didn’t make me chubby.
16. I am obsessed with travel, but I am currently undergoing a process of paying off debt, so I am not traveling lately. It’s really hard for me, but I’m remembering that sometimes you have to buckle down and do things that aren’t fun right now to have more fun later.
17. If you tell me I can’t do something, you better be prepared for me to do it better than you ever imagined. I do not like being repressed and when I set my mind to something I am ridiculous. You can see this in my career path. I have jumped up the career ladder quite quickly, in part because of the people who have told me I couldn’t do it. That I must obey the process and order of things. Screw that, I say.
18. My favorite color is like this mustard, muted yellow.
19. I don’t rant often, but when I do, be scared. I am a logic based creature and can win nearly every argument that comes my way and my rants are deeply seeded and intense. I apologize in advance.
20. I uh, sort of tricked my way out of having to take math classes. In high school, in my last week of 12th grade my math teacher told me I would not be graduating because I was DEEPLY failing my statistics class (was like speaking arabic to me and I decided I’d rather smoke cigarettes in the parking lot and read my books then go to that class). Lucky for me, my mother paid money for that class to count as a college course and I pleaded with my math teacher to pass me, so I would never have to take math in college. Well he taught me how to balance a check book, calculate a percentage and understand some basic fractions that week and passed me. So when I got to college, I already had my math credits. WOOP!
LIFE LESSON: You don’t always have to be right. This was hard for me to learn and cost me some friendships and I had to hurt some people I really loved to learn this. Sometimes, you can just let other people be right or have their say, even when you disagree. You know why? Because being right doesn’t honestly matter that much, I’d rather hear people, let them feel strong and whole and happy, than spend all day berating everyone and causing conflict.
21. My hair is naturally red. Sometimes it’s light (summer) sometimes it’s dark (yah, winter) and people usually ask me what color I dye my hair. I don’t dye it. I get some beachy blond ombre but the reddish color is all my own.
22. I have 11 tattoos. Of those, if I could remove any of them I would remove 6 of them. Woops. Lol.
23. I am seriously seriously introverted. I didn’t know that until 2 years ago and I used to feel so guilty and think there was something wrong with me because I needed to spend so much more time alone than most of my friends did. My therapist laughed at me when I described how I thought I might be messed up because everyone liked to go out and it exhausted me and I wanted to be home alone 5 nights out of the week.
24. I’m (actually) addicted to Burt’s Bees Chapstick. If I don’t have it, my lips dry up within an hour or two and I cannot think of anything else.
25. I love romantic comedies the most. I want to be a cool indie-film kind of person but truthfully, I will watch She’s All That or You’ve Got Mail any day of the week.
26. I don’t like Lady Gaga, or Taylor Swift, or Rihanna, or Kanye West. I’m sorry. No I’m not.